So I've driven the Jimmer into a fence post, at speed... What next?

Curious looking on Copart at the Jimnys listed there.

This one looks to have similar-ish damage and goes down as a Cat N (non-structural): www.copart.co.uk/lot/68162642/clean-titl...-jimny-spec-sandtoft

Then this one looks to have more superficial bumper damage but goes down as Cat S (structural): www.copart.co.uk/lot/68731933/clean-titl...jimny-jlx-colchester

Maybe it just depends on if the person reviewing it recognises it as body-on-chassis.

No real update as of yet. I contested Hasting's valuation of £4,200 and I have yet to receive a response. I believe they are holding back because they haven't got an engineer's report from the baboons at Copart.
I did contact a local bodyshop and after looking at the photos he said what I expected (and what most people here have said) - it's doable but expect there to be ugly damage behind the wing needing bashed. Also the A-pillar / door isn't looking too nice. He did say they could source secondhand parts and be budget conscious but yah.
It really hinges on the write-off status. Cat N and I might be insane enough to necromance the Jimmer back to life. Cat S and my rational brain will probably win out - shattering dreams, breaking hearts etc.

Try to find comparables on AutoTrader and the Bay of Thieves, but such a low mileage 2005 car will be quite rare.  Autos aren't even that common!

Yeah the rarity is the killer for these autos. Like sure you can find 2015 autos easily, even on delivery sites like Cazoo, Cinch, HeyCar etc but you're looking at as high as £15k for some of those.

Then you can find ones from private sellers or dealers from say 2007-2012 but they get listed north of £6k. It's bananas out there. I could opt for a manual but I loved it as a city car, super chill and easy to park.

Man, big RIP . Been given a Category B write-off at Copart so it's breaker only, cannot be repaired. Really, really sad about it.

Just looked on Autotrader,

There is a

W-reg 2000 Auto in Manchester for £4,795
www.autotrader.co.uk/car-details/2023042...code=ne110ef&fromsra

08 2008 Auto in Ilford for £5,500
www.autotrader.co.uk/car-details/2023053...code=ne110ef&fromsra

2011 SZ4 Auto in Chesterfield for £9,490
www.autotrader.co.uk/car-details/2023070...code=ne110ef&fromsra

2011 SZ4 Auto in Gt Yarmouth for £9,500
www.autotrader.co.uk/car-details/2023061...code=ne110ef&fromsra

You would have to hop on a train (or plane), go and have a look and if it is all ok drive it back.

Not saying it's easy, but they are out there.