Just been in for a coffee

Starbucks Limited Edition Coffee;

Bin Latte - dark bodied, frothy head with two shots in it.

Nothing to do with Jimnys but another joke. (I Literally just had a delivery of coffee through the door, after I read your joke) Spooky !!

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?
The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.
The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.
The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
The next night, the pub is packed.
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'
The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down
The next night there is standing room only in the pub.
Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.
The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman,
The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker,
but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties...'
The rabbit looks aghast.
The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says,
'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.'
The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'
The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent..
The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.'
'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'
The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.
He then waves to the crowd and leaves....
NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

---

One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.
When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar..
The barman says, 'Who are you?',
To which he is answered,
'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'
The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.
You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'
The rabbit says, 'Yes I know..'
The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'
The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.
The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'
'I DIED', said the rabbit.
'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'
After a short pause, the rabbit said..................................................




'Mixin-me-toasties.'

Bartender, I'll have a Bin Laden, please.
What's that?
2 shots and a splash of water.

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the kerb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab.

Then, the still shaking driver said, "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologised to the driver and said he didn't realise that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle the driver so badly.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry. It's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a taxi. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years.”

One day a blonde was horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started going too fast and bouncing out of control. The blonde tried with all her might to hang on, but soon was thrown off.

With her foot caught in the stirrup, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce on the ground as the horse would not stop or even slow down. Just as the blonde was about to give up hope and was losing consciousness...

The Tesco manager came out and unplugged the horse.

You have Started Something now.
A few more i was sent.


Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.


He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.



Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be
mentally stable.


When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.



The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'


Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry..

How soon can I go home?'

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with
normal results.

The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great. How are you doing
mentally and emotionally. Are you at peace with God?'

George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so
he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the
Bathroom, *poof *!, the light goes on. When I'm done, *poof *!, the
light goes off.'

'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife.



'Ethel,' he says, 'George is fine but I had to call you because I'm in
awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the
night and *poof *!, the light goes on in
the bathroom, and when he's done, *poof *! The light goes off?'



'OH SHIT!' Ethel exclaims.



'He's pissing in the fridge again!!!!

They've found him....

Who is the coolest guy in the hospital ????

The Ultra sound guy.


Who takes over from the Ultra sound guy when he goes on holiday???

The Hip replacement dude.

My mates wife has just left him. Took his satellite dish & all his Bob Marley records. Poor bloke. No woman, No sky.

What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?



You can't hear a vitamin






What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?


Full.