Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of humus and Taramasalata.
It's a double dip recession.
Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them..
"Sod that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing"
Paddy says to Mick,
"Christmas is on Friday this year".
Mick said,
"Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house.
Turns out she was a slovak.
Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window.
If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.
To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate.
When I said white, they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.
I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ..
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.......
Just a reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots......
Your One Year Manufacturer's warranty Runs Out Soon.
Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both in hospital...... One's in a korma.......
The other's got a dodgy tikka!
Sailing results are in:
USA took gold, GB took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth
A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, 'bugger the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!'
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband:
'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.'
He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'
An elderly couple are in church.
About halfway through the service, the wife leans over and says to her husband,
'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
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